I think I stole some kiwis. I didn't mean to. I'm still not sure I even did it.
Here's the story:
I stopped in at HomePlus for some toilet paper & a few other things. Kiwis were on sale; I got four. I got in line and a cashier hurried over, grabbed my cart and started pulling it to another line. Figuring she was about to open a new line, I followed her with that slightly victorious feeling you get when you're at the end of a line but suddenly get moved up to first. You know that feeling? It's great, right?
Only that wasn't what happened. Instead, she ushered me to the self-service line. Self-serve is a pretty new concept in Korea. They've hopped on the buffet bandwagon in a big way, but until recently, that was pretty much it for DIY stuff. Not only are most services not DIY, there are usually two more people to help you than you actually need. Gives people jobs, I suppose.
Recently, though, I've been noticing a little trend toward self service. It started with the self-serve gas station that opened up a couple of months ago about a block from my apartment. I was pretty psyched! I prefer to pump my own gas (don't know why... probably that stubborn independence my parents endowed me with), and--bonus--it was cheaper. So, I pulled in one day. Before I'd even shut off the car, an attendant had rushed up to help. Um, "self" serve?? OK, this is new, so I get that they probably have to teach people how to pump their own gas (this is, seriously, the first self-serve station I've seen in 5 years in Korea). But, I'm not Korean. I don't need to be told to remove the gas cap (not exaggerating). I finally convinced the attendant I don't need help, he left me alone. Only then did I realize that the payment touch screen on the pump was, of course, in Korean. Damn. Now I had to call the guy back. He showed me how to navigate the screen, my gas pumped, and when it clicked off, back he came to show me how to remove the nozzle and replace the gas cap (seriously... NOT exaggerating). I was so irritated, I haven't been back.
What does this have to do with kiwis? Patience, young one. I'm getting there.
So, back at HomePlus, I'm now in the self-service line. They'd installed these a few months ago, but despite my preference for the self-checkouts at home, I've avoided them here. I assumed they would be in Korean. The cashier drags my cart in front of the machine which looks very familiar: it's the exact same system they use at Kroger, only instead of English and Spanish options, there's English and Korean. "Cool!" I think... for about three seconds before she taps the Korean button and starts emptying my cart. *facepalm* She dragged me to the self-checkout so she could do it for me? I grumble something about "English" and before I know what's up, she's cancelled out the system and clicked English. Sweet.
(I'm GETTING to the kiwis...chill)
Another little aside for those who have never lived in Korea: There is a concept here known (and loved) by foreigners as the "bali, bali!! syndrome" (The misplaced exclamation points were on purpose and necessary... trust me). "Bali" translates, roughly, as "hurry the h*** up!!" If I wasn't already on an aside, I'd tell you how this looked yesterday at the Yeosu Expo... another time, then. Anyway, it basically means that no matter how many people are around, something like checking out groceries has to be done at the fastest pace humanly possible.
How this looks at HomePlus today is that any time I pause for even a second, chashier-lady swoops in to take over. I HATE that. Seriously... with a passion. So, I start speeding things up so she won't keep pushing me aside to take over. When I see her heading over as I place the kiwis on the scale/scanner, I hurriedly push the correct buttons (I think), then push the payment button, leaving the kiwis on the scanner instead of moving them to the bagging area. I scan my point card (or rather, SHE does after I take more than a second to determine which way to stick the dumb thing in the slot), and try to insert my bills... no luck. It takes several tries, cashier-lady hovering the entire time. At some point, I realize that the kiwis are still on the scanner, so I move them to the bagging area... and get that "unexpected items in bagging area" warning. Whatever... I'm too busy worrying about the stupid bills to worry about kiwis. I finally succeed in inserting the bills, and get my little bit of change, and a warning comes up on the screen... the receipt printer is out of paper. I don't care! I've paid cash for items I won't need to return. So, as another cashier comes to fix the printer, I toss my stuff in the cart (no shopping bags...another reason I didn't want to use the self-service machines), and head off in a huff...
I was about halfway to my apartment when I thought about the kiwis... Had I, in my haste, pushed the wrong button? Did they ever ring up? Is that why they had set off the alarm, or was it just because I'd waited too long to move them? No idea. In America, I would have gone back, explained, and paid the $2, whether I'd paid for them originally or not, just so my conscience didn't nag me. But, I'm not in America, I'm in Korea. I don't speak Korean. I have no receipt. I paid cash. I kept driving.
When you move overseas, you think about things that are going to be a challenge: opening accounts, ordering food at restaurants, explaining how the hell George W. Bush got re-elected. You don't think about what to do if you accidentally steal some kiwis...
