Man’s best friend? Forget that. You were MY best friend. I needed you.
Farook and Caroline wanted to call you Bob. Like that’s a name for a dog. But you weren’t Bob. You were my baby bear. Even before you were mine, you were mine.
I loved you. Not like a child. I’ll never be that person ... the one who substitutes a pet for a child. But I loved you all the same. You were part of my family.
Maybe people will judge. If I loved you so much, why did I abandon you? I thought it was for the best. I knew it was. A yard, a buddy, squirrels to chase? That was what you needed, not an apartment with a busy person.
They loved you too, that’s why they offered to have you stay. But, maybe you felt abandoned anyway? Is that why you began acting up? Is that what made you aggressive toward other animals? You never were before, not with Toni or Yum-Yum or Luna. Not even with Ralphie, though no one would have faulted you if he’d gotten on your nerves.
You smiled. I never knew an animal could smile. You were so. damn. happy when I came home. Sometimes I even resented you for it. For once, can’t I just come in the door without being jumped on and licked? But you were happy, and usually, that made me happy.
You know what else made me happy? You licking my feet, then curling up on them when I was chillin’ on the computer or watching TV.
You knew me. You knew when I was scared in that house by myself and you came and slept next to my bed, even though we both knew you preferred the cool laminate in the entryway. You stayed there until I was good and asleep, and even sometimes after.
You barked when strangers pulled up, but not friends. You knew who belonged and who didn’t. You were scary to people who didn’t belong, that guy from the roofing company after Ike said so. He said, “If I’d had any bad intentions toward this house, when I heard that dog coming to the door I would have gone on to the next place.”
I miss you. I’ve missed you almost every moment from when I dropped you off with him in Houston and I drove home to my empty house. But, then, I thought I would see you again some time. Now I won’t and that breaks my heart.
I miss you Baby Bear.
